What would you add to a Journal of Best Practices for spouses?
In his new book, David Finch details how we crafted a list of best practices for being a better husband, after an Asperger's diagnosis prompted him to overhaul his relationship with his wife. What would you add to the list?
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In his new book, David Finch details his quest to become a better husband after an Asperger's diagnosis prompted him to overhaul his relationship with his wife.
He crafted a Journal of Best Practices, noting down lessons ranging from "Laundry: Better to fold and put away than to take only what you need from the dryer" to "Be present in moments with the kids".
Husbands and wives: What best practice would you recommend for spouses? (Please specify whether you think it's a best practice for wives, husbands or both!)
Note: Some of these responses may be published in print or online by The Globe. Priority will be given to responses with full names.
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Having lived for over 20 years with an 'Aspie' partner, one of the most fundamental pieces of advice I would give anyone is 'don't expect your partner to know what is going on in your head - tell them explicitly.' I learned to be very concious about this and nicknamed it 'subtitling'. The flip side of this is to remain curious about your partner's world and what is happening for them, though questions need to be framed in terms of 'thoughts' and 'experiences' rather than 'feelings'. -
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I can't type on this new iPad haha! My comment ... If you ask for an opinion don't immediately go and do the exact opposite thing. For example, "hey do you want to go to the movies or for a walk?" then you choose to go to the movies when she said "walk" just 30 seconds ago.
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If stressors like hormones, or hunger cause you to lash out at your partner, make a note of the feelings that you have leading up to those episodes, and take actions to mitigate those stressors, lest your partner take your (disproportionate) reaction at face value. You may not intend to react so badly, but the traumatic effects are the same.
